Chase: Alayna, Alana?
Alayna: A-lane-a Chase: NO I’M KIDDING -laugh- Alayna: Hey guys Chase:This is MY channel. Hi guys. It’s me Chaseypoo today. I am joined by Alayna Fender -laughter- Alayna: We clearly Have been friends for years.
Chase: for years. We just did a video about bisexuality and bisexual men in like queer “Queer?” Chase:WOAH
Alayna: yeah, you’re part of the problem Chase: And how stigma Chase:And how stigma is bisexual? Fuck Alayna: How the Stigma I think is actually worse for bisexual men than for bisexual women Chase: Yeah. So today, we’re going to kind of continue that conversation a little bit and talk about Like kind of the differences between Bi and queer and pan and kind of like why people? Identify as them – because we could talk for other people apparently? Alayna: Yeah, We know we speak for the whole community Chase: Yeah, for all the communities Alayna: All of them, every community Chase:All of them. Chase: So we’re just gonna talk shit right now Basically what we’re going to do.
Alayna: It’s fair.
Chase: Yeah, don’t demonetize this video YouTube I love you. Alayna: Youtube please Chase: We’re begging you
Alayna: Was there an ad before this video you watching let us know in the comments down below. C: Right Okay, So you are A: Your nose thing is crooked. C: My nose thing is always crooked they know. A: Can I fix it? C: Touch me A: May I touch your nose? C: You may touch me, you had your hand around the floor we did things. -Laughter- A:Well I can’t help it! I don’t know what it is talking to someone like this. C: You’re like interviewing me and i’m like, you’re so masc and i’m like HOoHOo C: you are a Bisexual woman A: true. C: And you are a cis A: true. C: I’m interviewing a cis right now. A: a real in the flesh C: in the flesh cyst -Incredible Laughter- C:So why are you bisexual? I don’t know talk about yourself. A: Uhm, I’m bisexual because lady dudes everyone in between. C:Yeah all the squiggles A&C: Mm-Hmm A: That’s why. C: yeah? A: Yeah C: And what’s your channel about? A: So on my channel I talk about mental health I talk about sexuality. Have a series called. I don’t buy it Which we just filmed together. C: Yeah A: I’m really excited about that C: yeah A: um That’s about me. Mostly mental health stuff, sexuality stuff I’m Bi, I’m also Trained Mindful self-compassion teachers, I talk a lot of mindfulness and compassion C: I was going to say we’re basically the same person minus all of that A: But you’re going to your master’s degree right now. C: Yeah, oh, I’m doing C: People keep asking me like a thesis going? I swear to God okay one more person A: Leave me alone C: It’ll be done when it’s done, and I will announce it to the world anyway, so What does bisexual mean to you like maybe we could talk about that A: yeah like oh well I like the term bisexual like that’s kind of the label that I Feel most comfortable with and that I mean that I use the most for me it means I’m bi as an attractive to two groups of people and those groups of people are my gender and other genders C: Okay, I’m gonna put you on the hot seat right now. Okay? What about people? Who are non-binary? A: That’s what I mean my gender as a female C: yes A: and other genders. C: Okay A: is the other group C: Ohhh OOO Yo, that’s interest-aww Cause it’s usually like bisexual men and women A: no C: that’s interesting I’ve never heard of it that way A: yeah I heard that this past year sometime And I was like there it is because I I liked like identified more with the word Bi and Bi sexuality but by definition I was pansexual C: right A: but coming out of pansexual if you’re not already in the community like C&A: No one A: knows what that is, and I don’t want to always have to like educate in length We went over this C: we did in the other video C: So go check that out A:link in the description A:Yeah no, but uh so I’ve heard that Definition of bisexuality, and I was like there it is C: that makes so much more sense A: Yeah, because it’s still two C: Yeah A: groups of people my gender and other genders C: Yeah, but it’s not like my gender and the other gender, A: Exactly C: okay But there’s a little bit of people that you havent accounted for. A: which is which like maybe there are Bisexual people who are only attracted to men and women C: yes A: sure C:yes A: But that’s not me C: because that’s that’s what the big issue. Is that some people don’t want to identify as Bisexual In the beginning, I was like I’m attracted to everyone But I don’t want to identify as Bi because I’m not only attracted to men and women I’m just like attracted to everyone. A: Yeah C: So now it’s like oh I guess I’m pansexual. A: every person you meet every single human. C: Every single one i’m like hm. a little Mm mm squirt squirt action C: This is my channel i can say what i want. A:EeW! Is that what happens when you’re attracted to someone? C: I squirt? A: Just like a little leak? C: NO OHMYGOD. C: Anyways, I was like maybe I’m Pansexual because tumblr existed and told me what pansexual was A: Yeah, C: good old tumblr A: yeah, C: but no one knew what that meant A:Exactly C: people were like literally We’re thinking that I was talking about like in the kitchen A: yeah C: and then my ex like years ago was like identified as queer, and I was like… The Light. It like went into my eyes, and I was like ~heavenly sound~ Because then I don’t have to explain to anyone A: Yeah C: it’s literally like I’m attracted to whoever and like I identify my gender identity also as queer I’m just queer as a whole person A: uh-huh C: so it’s just like a confused I was put on this planet to confuse people, but when people like literally “Do you like men or women” I like both, I like everyone. A: Yeah C: I don’t care A: Them all. C: Yeah, if I’m attracted to someone I’d literally don’t care what genitals they have. A: no same C: Why is always based on genitals? A: I know right? People got so caught up on the genitals C: They’re like lemme see your genitals Lemme- you got a wiener? C: What A: Is that what people say to you? C: Yeah! On Grindr A: Let me see your genitals meHh? A: What was this? C:that’s like a Telescope a tiny one because my wiener so small A:I thought you were doing like genitals I thought they were squishing a weiner IDK. I was like I don’t understand I don’t understand. C: On Grindr that happens a lot A:yeah C: even if I identify as queer they get like not not offended But like like they back off of it if they know that like I’ve been I’ve dated women or I’ve been with women Which we talked about A:yeah C: on your channel, but that it’s like a big problem Yeah And then they asked about your genitals because they can’t some some gay men on these sites can’t Fathom can’t understand how another gay man who is cis would have sex with a trans man? Who does not have a wiener? A:Yeah, C: and it’s like okay, but it’s not only about genitals. A: Yeah, C: and that makes everyone feel like shit. A It’s tough for me to wrap my head around that Mentality I Think a lot because I am bisexual and look for me it like just doesn’t matter so much me so much doesn’t matter just That it’s hard for me to understand When it does matter. C:do you think because I made a video recently that was like scandal I reacted to someone’s video. A: Exposed! C:Exposed. C: And a lot of people- and I did a podcast about this. Is it transphobic for cis people to not date trans people because they’re trans Right so A: yeah C: There’s like a big issue about this and A: yeah C: who knows and it’s really mostly about genitals A:Yeah C: And there is such a thing as people being genital repulsed and that not who I’m talking about i’m talking about people who’re like Oh You’re trans. I’m not going to date you. A: I think it’s it’s transphobic. Let me just explain this to you C: as a cis A: as a cis person. A: I’m sorry that’s not how i mean this C: I think everyone knows you’re joking. I feel like it’s transphobic to Find out that someone is trans and then disclude them from your potential dating pool, because they are trans. C: Yes A: I think it’s transphobic to Decide you can’t fall in love with someone or you can’t be attracted to someone because they are trans. C:Yea A: I do not think that it’s transphobic to not want to sleep with someone after you Like given them a chance or after you’ve met them after you’ve whatever and then decided. It’s not for me C: well no A: Not attracted to you C: Yeah That the trans part isn’t even in there to the person A: I know but that’s what I think that’s it doesn’t get hung up on that that’s why everyone’s so mad when you say you know you’re dating preferences like Not dating someone just because they’re trans is transphobic and everyone freaks the eff out like you’re trying to tell you no but it’s like they don’t C: There’s yeah many distinctions and so many slivers A: interesting thing. I when I first came out which was only a couple of years ago now here i am I Felt really uncomfortable using the label queer. even though in my own mind. I loved it Because I’m dating a man C:OH So you didn’t tell that to the people? A: I’m in a long-term relationship with a dude. He’s wonderful love him to pieces. C: So you’re not bisexual A: This is my home C: This is my memory card. A: This is MY ADD. C: Yeah C:Anyway, so yes, you are with a man. I’m dating a guy and I have been for a long time and so I felt uncomfortable using the word queer because I thought that in some way I was appropriating Like C: whoa, C: my own community it was because I think in my own head I had Biphobia like internalized Biphobia and Thinking well if I’m with a guy I shouldn’t say that I’m queer because I’m straight passing C: Exactly, I was just gonna say you passed. you’re not visibly queer. A: exactly and so I Went through a whole phase where I was like. I didn’t call myself queer Because of that C: and then you feel invisible, A: well yeah, and exactly C: which is horrible feeling invisible. A: Cause like, straight passing privilege is totally a privilege There are a lot of benefits like I live a perfectly normal like normal as in i’m not harassed on the street type thing But at the same time it does mean that I’m erased from the queer community C: like when you go to pride And if you’re holding your boyfriend’s hand people are like why the fuck are the straights here? Yeah
which is why we need to be careful when we’re at pride to not be like mm the straights because yeah people are allies and supportive are straight, but then you got to remember people are bisexual people are queer some people um Transition some people were in a lesbian relationship. One person transitions They’re still together and just because they look straight. Doesn’t mean that they don’t belong in this In this safe space. A: So some people might not even be out. Like some people might be there C: I’m an ally A: As an ally and they’re just not out. C&A: Yeah C: that’s a thing A: So that was kinda my relationship with Labels and now and now I really like the word queer I find it really empowering
exactly because of what you said, that’s just like such an open like You don’t need to question me about How it works and what my labels all that stuff when you say queer people are just like Okay, so something’s not hetero here, C: right But some people still don’t know the word queer means Do you think that when you’re holding your boyfriend’s hand or somebody knows that you have a boyfriend and then you go “Oh I’m queer” do you get like the squints like but how, you have a boyfriend because that’s what happens to me If I’m seeing a woman, I’m like oh, I’m queer people like what you’re seeing a straight girl, and I’m like yeah, but I’m still queer. I still want like I still I’m looking at wieners, like oh y’now? Not that wieners equate to gender just giving an example for these People “these” A: these people C: don’t understand A: you people watching this video? um I not really just because my I think my situation is a little bit different because of the internet so like when I was coming out I Was already dating Dallas and so I came out to like all my friends and everything So it was it Became a thing while I was already in the relationship. I think of mine situation’s a little different I don’t really get the squinty eye because I came out while already in this relationship and then with the internet same thing and like the internet knows how much I talk about Girls. C:You have a segment. -Icant hear chase- A: That was the ugliest cackle I don’t know what just came over me C: I’m so Happy that I was saying something important, so I have to keep it in the video. -Chase noise- Don’t say sorry this is what my channel is obviously you haven’t watched fake fan, I C: I squirted water… C: That’s what it’s like A: You saw someone that you liked C: I Actually hurt my neck doing that A: Also, our legs were touching before C: OH GAAY Wait.. STRAIIGHT A: Okay, well what about you. You use, you like the lable queer. What was your C: I love it A: you kind of talked about it here. C: Here’s the thing what I like about queer Is there’s no one definition of the word queer, and yeah, I took a queer theory class in school And there’s an article that talks about how you can’t Like you there, isn’t one huge definition that represents everyone Who’s Queer who uses this word which? I think I why I really like it you interpret it as you will and one thing that’s super important is to never Put the word Queer the label queer onto someone else A: Oh, yeah, C: without knowing that they also use it so I wouldn’t use the word queer unless you told me oh It’s okay I identify with that word A: That’s really important. C: Some people still find it a derogatory term. That we should’ve never reclaimed. Some people don’t see it as it includes everyone They still see it as oh, it’s gay men A: yeah, or it’s lesbians or people who just like the same sex whatever A: And for some people, it’s traumatic. C: Yes, A: they’ve had Experiences in the past C: yeah, and then other people who are especially in the trans community I’ve seen this they don’t like the word queer because they don’t want to be associated with that Which is a bit problematic but like. They’re just because they’re trans doesn’t mean. They’re queer A: Oh, yeah super important oh I just touched your leg which is super important to make the difference because I know a lot of like Super straight trans guys who like They they’re like I get away from anything related to queer. A:Yes. C: That’s not their life, and that’s cool But yeah, so just important thing A: That’s a good note C: not to put that label on everyone. And it often gets put on the trans community especially yeah like you’re trans and your queer like mmM I know a lot of people that hate that word who are trans A: are there any other labels that you identify with C: not sexuality wise I think that Queer is so encompassing of everything. A: Yeah, C: that I don’t need to yeah put anything else in there If somebody was going to ask me for real like okay, but like what’s your actual and I’m queer And then they’re like pushing me like I always say queer when I guess technically it would be Bisexual in the way that you’re explaining it which I I love I love it. It’s so good Yeah, all these people are going to know about it. Yeah, because it’s like my own gender and then all other genders Yeah, not just the opposite Gender Yeah And that just includes literally everyone A: it blew my mind when I heard that too because I was like oh like that Was my look when you said you heard queer, and you were like oh yeah, when I heard that definition of Bi. I was like Double heavenly noise And both of us are now -more heavenly noise- Thank you so much for joining me A: No problem thanks for having me C: No I wasn’t talking to you hAHA I’m KIDDING. I’m Kidding. No but thank you so much seriously and for inviting me into your home. I’m your guest. A: Yeah, you’re welcome. Yeah C: OOOOWell, I’m in vancouver might as well enjoy it I know I’m So Glad that somebody I would like anyone in Vancouver a youtuber? and people asked- A: You’ve got a drip Did you drip on yourself? C: I did A: not to C: I leaked I uhm people kept @’ing you and I was like oh I’m like why I can’t message you You need to follow me back because I can’t dm you A: I’m pretty sure I followed you first C: Oh A: I think C: Squints with two eyes. well now we’re here and now we’re like best friends. Yeah, A: we’re talking about Fisting earlier. C: We were like what constitutes fisting This is my life A: I was like if i were to ask anyone I’ll ask you. C: People don’t believe that I’m this person in real life, but I am literally this person in real life A: 100%. C:Yeah, wieners everywhere A: I mean you really like there’s some stuff on my video that I just have to cut C:CUT?! Like a wiener? No I’m kidding I’m not funny. I love you guys so much Thank you so much for joining me please to watch the video that we made on her channel because it is LIT No? Gayy… ok I love you guys so much have a great day. Bye