BISEXUAL vs. QUEER (ft. ALAYNA FENDER) [CC]


Chase: Alayna, Alana?
Alayna: A-lane-a Chase: NO I’M KIDDING -laugh- Alayna: Hey guys Chase:This is MY channel. Hi guys. It’s me Chaseypoo today. I am joined by Alayna Fender -laughter- Alayna: We clearly Have been friends for years.
Chase: for years. We just did a video about bisexuality and bisexual men in like queer “Queer?” Chase:WOAH
Alayna: yeah, you’re part of the problem Chase: And how stigma Chase:And how stigma is bisexual? Fuck Alayna: How the Stigma I think is actually worse for bisexual men than for bisexual women Chase: Yeah. So today, we’re going to kind of continue that conversation a little bit and talk about Like kind of the differences between Bi and queer and pan and kind of like why people? Identify as them – because we could talk for other people apparently? Alayna: Yeah, We know we speak for the whole community Chase: Yeah, for all the communities Alayna: All of them, every community Chase:All of them. Chase: So we’re just gonna talk shit right now Basically what we’re going to do.
Alayna: It’s fair.
Chase: Yeah, don’t demonetize this video YouTube I love you. Alayna: Youtube please Chase: We’re begging you
Alayna: Was there an ad before this video you watching let us know in the comments down below. C: Right Okay, So you are A: Your nose thing is crooked. C: My nose thing is always crooked they know. A: Can I fix it? C: Touch me A: May I touch your nose? C: You may touch me, you had your hand around the floor we did things. -Laughter- A:Well I can’t help it! I don’t know what it is talking to someone like this. C: You’re like interviewing me and i’m like, you’re so masc and i’m like HOoHOo C: you are a Bisexual woman A: true. C: And you are a cis A: true. C: I’m interviewing a cis right now. A: a real in the flesh C: in the flesh cyst -Incredible Laughter- C:So why are you bisexual? I don’t know talk about yourself. A: Uhm, I’m bisexual because lady dudes everyone in between. C:Yeah all the squiggles A&C: Mm-Hmm A: That’s why. C: yeah? A: Yeah C: And what’s your channel about? A: So on my channel I talk about mental health I talk about sexuality. Have a series called. I don’t buy it Which we just filmed together. C: Yeah A: I’m really excited about that C: yeah A: um That’s about me. Mostly mental health stuff, sexuality stuff I’m Bi, I’m also Trained Mindful self-compassion teachers, I talk a lot of mindfulness and compassion C: I was going to say we’re basically the same person minus all of that A: But you’re going to your master’s degree right now. C: Yeah, oh, I’m doing C: People keep asking me like a thesis going? I swear to God okay one more person A: Leave me alone C: It’ll be done when it’s done, and I will announce it to the world anyway, so What does bisexual mean to you like maybe we could talk about that A: yeah like oh well I like the term bisexual like that’s kind of the label that I Feel most comfortable with and that I mean that I use the most for me it means I’m bi as an attractive to two groups of people and those groups of people are my gender and other genders C: Okay, I’m gonna put you on the hot seat right now. Okay? What about people? Who are non-binary? A: That’s what I mean my gender as a female C: yes A: and other genders. C: Okay A: is the other group C: Ohhh OOO Yo, that’s interest-aww Cause it’s usually like bisexual men and women A: no C: that’s interesting I’ve never heard of it that way A: yeah I heard that this past year sometime And I was like there it is because I I liked like identified more with the word Bi and Bi sexuality but by definition I was pansexual C: right A: but coming out of pansexual if you’re not already in the community like C&A: No one A: knows what that is, and I don’t want to always have to like educate in length We went over this C: we did in the other video C: So go check that out A:link in the description A:Yeah no, but uh so I’ve heard that Definition of bisexuality, and I was like there it is C: that makes so much more sense A: Yeah, because it’s still two C: Yeah A: groups of people my gender and other genders C: Yeah, but it’s not like my gender and the other gender, A: Exactly C: okay But there’s a little bit of people that you havent accounted for. A: which is which like maybe there are Bisexual people who are only attracted to men and women C: yes A: sure C:yes A: But that’s not me C: because that’s that’s what the big issue. Is that some people don’t want to identify as Bisexual In the beginning, I was like I’m attracted to everyone But I don’t want to identify as Bi because I’m not only attracted to men and women I’m just like attracted to everyone. A: Yeah C: So now it’s like oh I guess I’m pansexual. A: every person you meet every single human. C: Every single one i’m like hm. a little Mm mm squirt squirt action C: This is my channel i can say what i want. A:EeW! Is that what happens when you’re attracted to someone? C: I squirt? A: Just like a little leak? C: NO OHMYGOD. C: Anyways, I was like maybe I’m Pansexual because tumblr existed and told me what pansexual was A: Yeah, C: good old tumblr A: yeah, C: but no one knew what that meant A:Exactly C: people were like literally We’re thinking that I was talking about like in the kitchen A: yeah C: and then my ex like years ago was like identified as queer, and I was like… The Light. It like went into my eyes, and I was like ~heavenly sound~ Because then I don’t have to explain to anyone A: Yeah C: it’s literally like I’m attracted to whoever and like I identify my gender identity also as queer I’m just queer as a whole person A: uh-huh C: so it’s just like a confused I was put on this planet to confuse people, but when people like literally “Do you like men or women” I like both, I like everyone. A: Yeah C: I don’t care A: Them all. C: Yeah, if I’m attracted to someone I’d literally don’t care what genitals they have. A: no same C: Why is always based on genitals? A: I know right? People got so caught up on the genitals C: They’re like lemme see your genitals Lemme- you got a wiener? C: What A: Is that what people say to you? C: Yeah! On Grindr A: Let me see your genitals meHh? A: What was this? C:that’s like a Telescope a tiny one because my wiener so small A:I thought you were doing like genitals I thought they were squishing a weiner IDK. I was like I don’t understand I don’t understand. C: On Grindr that happens a lot A:yeah C: even if I identify as queer they get like not not offended But like like they back off of it if they know that like I’ve been I’ve dated women or I’ve been with women Which we talked about A:yeah C: on your channel, but that it’s like a big problem Yeah And then they asked about your genitals because they can’t some some gay men on these sites can’t Fathom can’t understand how another gay man who is cis would have sex with a trans man? Who does not have a wiener? A:Yeah, C: and it’s like okay, but it’s not only about genitals. A: Yeah, C: and that makes everyone feel like shit. A It’s tough for me to wrap my head around that Mentality I Think a lot because I am bisexual and look for me it like just doesn’t matter so much me so much doesn’t matter just That it’s hard for me to understand When it does matter. C:do you think because I made a video recently that was like scandal I reacted to someone’s video. A: Exposed! C:Exposed. C: And a lot of people- and I did a podcast about this. Is it transphobic for cis people to not date trans people because they’re trans Right so A: yeah C: There’s like a big issue about this and A: yeah C: who knows and it’s really mostly about genitals A:Yeah C: And there is such a thing as people being genital repulsed and that not who I’m talking about i’m talking about people who’re like Oh You’re trans. I’m not going to date you. A: I think it’s it’s transphobic. Let me just explain this to you C: as a cis A: as a cis person. A: I’m sorry that’s not how i mean this C: I think everyone knows you’re joking. I feel like it’s transphobic to Find out that someone is trans and then disclude them from your potential dating pool, because they are trans. C: Yes A: I think it’s transphobic to Decide you can’t fall in love with someone or you can’t be attracted to someone because they are trans. C:Yea A: I do not think that it’s transphobic to not want to sleep with someone after you Like given them a chance or after you’ve met them after you’ve whatever and then decided. It’s not for me C: well no A: Not attracted to you C: Yeah That the trans part isn’t even in there to the person A: I know but that’s what I think that’s it doesn’t get hung up on that that’s why everyone’s so mad when you say you know you’re dating preferences like Not dating someone just because they’re trans is transphobic and everyone freaks the eff out like you’re trying to tell you no but it’s like they don’t C: There’s yeah many distinctions and so many slivers A: interesting thing. I when I first came out which was only a couple of years ago now here i am I Felt really uncomfortable using the label queer. even though in my own mind. I loved it Because I’m dating a man C:OH So you didn’t tell that to the people? A: I’m in a long-term relationship with a dude. He’s wonderful love him to pieces. C: So you’re not bisexual A: This is my home C: This is my memory card. A: This is MY ADD. C: Yeah C:Anyway, so yes, you are with a man. I’m dating a guy and I have been for a long time and so I felt uncomfortable using the word queer because I thought that in some way I was appropriating Like C: whoa, C: my own community it was because I think in my own head I had Biphobia like internalized Biphobia and Thinking well if I’m with a guy I shouldn’t say that I’m queer because I’m straight passing C: Exactly, I was just gonna say you passed. you’re not visibly queer. A: exactly and so I Went through a whole phase where I was like. I didn’t call myself queer Because of that C: and then you feel invisible, A: well yeah, and exactly C: which is horrible feeling invisible. A: Cause like, straight passing privilege is totally a privilege There are a lot of benefits like I live a perfectly normal like normal as in i’m not harassed on the street type thing But at the same time it does mean that I’m erased from the queer community C: like when you go to pride And if you’re holding your boyfriend’s hand people are like why the fuck are the straights here? Yeah
which is why we need to be careful when we’re at pride to not be like mm the straights because yeah people are allies and supportive are straight, but then you got to remember people are bisexual people are queer some people um Transition some people were in a lesbian relationship. One person transitions They’re still together and just because they look straight. Doesn’t mean that they don’t belong in this In this safe space. A: So some people might not even be out. Like some people might be there C: I’m an ally A: As an ally and they’re just not out. C&A: Yeah C: that’s a thing A: So that was kinda my relationship with Labels and now and now I really like the word queer I find it really empowering
exactly because of what you said, that’s just like such an open like You don’t need to question me about How it works and what my labels all that stuff when you say queer people are just like Okay, so something’s not hetero here, C: right But some people still don’t know the word queer means Do you think that when you’re holding your boyfriend’s hand or somebody knows that you have a boyfriend and then you go “Oh I’m queer” do you get like the squints like but how, you have a boyfriend because that’s what happens to me If I’m seeing a woman, I’m like oh, I’m queer people like what you’re seeing a straight girl, and I’m like yeah, but I’m still queer. I still want like I still I’m looking at wieners, like oh y’now? Not that wieners equate to gender just giving an example for these People “these” A: these people C: don’t understand A: you people watching this video? um I not really just because my I think my situation is a little bit different because of the internet so like when I was coming out I Was already dating Dallas and so I came out to like all my friends and everything So it was it Became a thing while I was already in the relationship. I think of mine situation’s a little different I don’t really get the squinty eye because I came out while already in this relationship and then with the internet same thing and like the internet knows how much I talk about Girls. C:You have a segment. -Icant hear chase- A: That was the ugliest cackle I don’t know what just came over me C: I’m so Happy that I was saying something important, so I have to keep it in the video. -Chase noise- Don’t say sorry this is what my channel is obviously you haven’t watched fake fan, I C: I squirted water… C: That’s what it’s like A: You saw someone that you liked C: I Actually hurt my neck doing that A: Also, our legs were touching before C: OH GAAY Wait.. STRAIIGHT A: Okay, well what about you. You use, you like the lable queer. What was your C: I love it A: you kind of talked about it here. C: Here’s the thing what I like about queer Is there’s no one definition of the word queer, and yeah, I took a queer theory class in school And there’s an article that talks about how you can’t Like you there, isn’t one huge definition that represents everyone Who’s Queer who uses this word which? I think I why I really like it you interpret it as you will and one thing that’s super important is to never Put the word Queer the label queer onto someone else A: Oh, yeah, C: without knowing that they also use it so I wouldn’t use the word queer unless you told me oh It’s okay I identify with that word A: That’s really important. C: Some people still find it a derogatory term. That we should’ve never reclaimed. Some people don’t see it as it includes everyone They still see it as oh, it’s gay men A: yeah, or it’s lesbians or people who just like the same sex whatever A: And for some people, it’s traumatic. C: Yes, A: they’ve had Experiences in the past C: yeah, and then other people who are especially in the trans community I’ve seen this they don’t like the word queer because they don’t want to be associated with that Which is a bit problematic but like. They’re just because they’re trans doesn’t mean. They’re queer A: Oh, yeah super important oh I just touched your leg which is super important to make the difference because I know a lot of like Super straight trans guys who like They they’re like I get away from anything related to queer. A:Yes. C: That’s not their life, and that’s cool But yeah, so just important thing A: That’s a good note C: not to put that label on everyone. And it often gets put on the trans community especially yeah like you’re trans and your queer like mmM I know a lot of people that hate that word who are trans A: are there any other labels that you identify with C: not sexuality wise I think that Queer is so encompassing of everything. A: Yeah, C: that I don’t need to yeah put anything else in there If somebody was going to ask me for real like okay, but like what’s your actual and I’m queer And then they’re like pushing me like I always say queer when I guess technically it would be Bisexual in the way that you’re explaining it which I I love I love it. It’s so good Yeah, all these people are going to know about it. Yeah, because it’s like my own gender and then all other genders Yeah, not just the opposite Gender Yeah And that just includes literally everyone A: it blew my mind when I heard that too because I was like oh like that Was my look when you said you heard queer, and you were like oh yeah, when I heard that definition of Bi. I was like Double heavenly noise And both of us are now -more heavenly noise- Thank you so much for joining me A: No problem thanks for having me C: No I wasn’t talking to you hAHA I’m KIDDING. I’m Kidding. No but thank you so much seriously and for inviting me into your home. I’m your guest. A: Yeah, you’re welcome. Yeah C: OOOOWell, I’m in vancouver might as well enjoy it I know I’m So Glad that somebody I would like anyone in Vancouver a youtuber? and people asked- A: You’ve got a drip Did you drip on yourself? C: I did A: not to C: I leaked I uhm people kept @’ing you and I was like oh I’m like why I can’t message you You need to follow me back because I can’t dm you A: I’m pretty sure I followed you first C: Oh A: I think C: Squints with two eyes. well now we’re here and now we’re like best friends. Yeah, A: we’re talking about Fisting earlier. C: We were like what constitutes fisting This is my life A: I was like if i were to ask anyone I’ll ask you. C: People don’t believe that I’m this person in real life, but I am literally this person in real life A: 100%. C:Yeah, wieners everywhere A: I mean you really like there’s some stuff on my video that I just have to cut C:CUT?! Like a wiener? No I’m kidding I’m not funny. I love you guys so much Thank you so much for joining me please to watch the video that we made on her channel because it is LIT No? Gayy… ok I love you guys so much have a great day. Bye

100 Replies to “BISEXUAL vs. QUEER (ft. ALAYNA FENDER) [CC]

  1. These definitions don't make any sense. Bisexuality is defined as being sexually attracted to men and women, two sexes not two gender groups. Also the definition you provided for "queer" mirrors pansexuality. If pansexuality is sexual attraction to men, women, and trans and "non binary" people , and queer is attraction to anyone, what is the difference? There are no genders and sexes left out in pansexuality. The two are synonymous. I haven't found one good definition of what "queer" means. It just seems to me to be a new "hot" word people want to use to feel special because gay, bisexual, and the million new sexualities birthed from Tumblr are not enough.

  2. Catching up on videos and loving both of you together (!) and Alayna’s bi definition. Thank you for having this conversation! ❤️

  3. I don't know I think genitals are kind of important. I don't have genital repulsion but I label myself as a lesbian and I date someone with a penis. I find sex to be difficult and uncomfortable I cry because I feel so bad. People can't help what genitals they are attracted to. I do agree however, disregarding a relationship with someone simply because they're trans is shitty but sometimes it really doesn't work due to incompatible genital attraction.

  4. Bisexual does actually include nonbinary people in the definition! Bisexuals have been defining themselves as attracted to more than one gender since at least the 80s, hence the purple stripe in our flag!

  5. honestly this video helped me a lot because I've had an aversion to the word bi-sexual (thinking it was transphobic), but it's cool to hear somebody talk about it in an inclusive way !!!!

  6. IF ANY BOD" GOT SOMETHING?" TOO SAY!! , GO ON THE UR WEB, OR, UTUBE? &C- WHATZ HAPPENZ!!👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

  7. I watch & love ur channel all the time. I wish I could sit with you so I could really educate myself… I'm still learning so I'm so sorry if I get anything mixed up but I'm a lil confused & really trying to love & accept everyone (which I do) but in order to fully embrace this in my opinion I think it's our responsibility to respect others & their definitions of respect is important to know therefore why I'm always watching YouTube to get all peoples perspective on the important things in our journey….one another….so my question is this (I realize from watching others & your videos that there's somewhat of a debate on this but because of things I've learned from your views I want your opinion bc you seem to be closest in beliefs to myself, love accept + respect everyone, who cares as long as no-one is hurting another) ok here goes(deep breathe nervous no-one mistakes my question as something other than me really not knowing + or understanding & afterall I'm legit at a kindergarten level of learning bc I guess I'm what people would call a "cis" woman & want to not ever alienate anyone from my life unintentionally)…. so before I've seen that you believe (forgive me if I get this a lil mixed up) that if one (a cis person) doesn't date someone trans because they are trans would make them "transphobic" but then in this video you discussed transmen that hate word "queer" (which I can understand why & the flip side, don't know how I stand on that or that I even have a right to ponder such things as I will never know each individual's experience nor come close to knowing) so wonder if a Trans man would NEVER date a transwoman pre-op? Am I just complicating the conversation, is this something that rarely happens? If it does happen why would a cis guy be transphobic for not dating someone trans but a Trans Man wouldn't be for the exact same reason? Where does that leave someone who is straight whether trans or cis? If one calls themselves "straight" & wouldn't date the same gender (trans or cis) but would date a trans person of opposite sex would that still classify one as Transphobic? Ok I asked more than one question but because of all the conversation going on within the community (all communities) I'm getting confused as there's probably no right answer but I'd love to hear your thoughts on my questions. I'm asking bc I'm not sure how I feel. I think anyone should be able to date anyone they want not to sure if having a "type" & with alot of people excludes some genders or I mean what society typically views as feminine +/or masculine….I think I've drawn one conclusion although not fully sure, that society itself is the issue & needs to stop ALL LABELS. For sake of advocating & insuring equal rights (I prefer to call it fair rights as equal isn't always fair another topic for another day) I know labels in that sense are needed but not in bringing up our kids. The world is changing in a positive direction & won't always be trucks are for boys & dolls are for girls however if a boy prefers his trucks let him play with trucks let's just not label him as being "all boy". That expression makes me cringe for personal reasons & if it were about myself only I'd share but out of respect for the people involved I'll leave it at that. This is why I need a sit-down with you Chase LMAO, I don't even care can label video "confused Cis gets straightened out by Chase" although some wouldn't find the humor in that description…. but if ever u need a Cis person that will be totally honest & upfront about what we should or shouldn't do or ask, I'm volunteering….again i think we all should want to know those answers so we can all know HOW TO RESPECT each other rather than giving the notion alot of lip service (won't mention the other YouTuber that does this but I wanted to know answers thought I was watching someone that understood because they were Trans only to find out this chick was like me & speaking on Trans issues without asking someone who's Trans, WTF? How does she know if I wanted a Cis persons opinion on Trans issues I have plenty of people I could ask & would certainly pick someone that actually advocated for the community they had so many opinions about) sorry for that small rant but her & her friend wasted minutes of my life that I'll never get back (joking) but I thought she was speaking from experience & thought "wow I never thought a trans woman would feel that way but what do I know?" Only to find out she wasn't Trans….anyway, hope I didn't bore you with my run-on sentences + especially hope you can sense this comes from a very good place & for reasons I mentioned (& personal ones) I'm asking someone that I think would give me an honest & compassionate answer. Sorry again this is so long.

  8. I'm so late but polysexuality(different from polyamory!!) Also sorta fits with this conversation. It's liking several but not all genders, but kinda like pan literally no one knows what it means 😅

  9. That is the most beautiful definition of bi I have ever heard. That is my new definition! I only came out in the last year and I never knew how exactly to describe the feelings I had. I associated how I felt as bisexual even though it would traditionally be pansexual, but I never felt that word fit. I'm glad that I heard this new way of phrasing it. Amazing video, thank you so much~!

  10. Oh my just so many labels! I understand some of us need labels but equally there should be some understanding that others don’t care for labels. Both need to be appreciated. There is just predjudice everywhere! People can find attractive and want to sleep with who they are attracted to. I’m not sure this is homophobic. Am I heterophobic for not wanting to sleep with a man? No! It isn’t even a thing? All these labels are making those of us who don’t believe in (all of them) feel like horrible people and we are not! I know I’m a good person and only want the best for people. But don’t make me feel bad because I have a “type” and my type isn’t fancying all. Some people do and that’s cool but as long as I’m not hurting you, please appreciate my own choices. I want you to be your own person and you should be able to express yourself 100% I’d never take that away from you. Lets learn to love all who have different views. That’s ok! Also my straight friends come to pride and I love them for being Allies. 🧡

  11. I'm late to the party here (discovered Chase's channel yesterday and am now binge watching). But the topic they were discussing around 9:30 just hit so close to home and I am now crying. This is the first time I've ever heard another cis, bisexual woman say this out loud. I always feel like I am appropriating queer culture when using labels or associating with LGBT+ culture because I am in a committed relationship with a guy. It bothers me on an every day basis and I have no one who feels the same way. I am way less open about my sexuality than I used to be years ago and am so afraid to label myself, even though I have dated women in the past. I don't know why I am commenting this but just needed to vent. I hope this feeling goes away someday.

  12. I have a similar problem to Alayna, and now I understand it to be a type of social disphoria, I'm dating a man (and have dated men) and though I'm visibly queer, I have always had this fear that I will be labelled a lesbian or that people will tell my partner I'm a "lesbian in disguise" or that if I date a woman I will then have to constantly face the "I told you 'she' was a lesbian", when I'm NOT.

  13. Lol I first went to pride as an "ally" cos I wasn't out. Now I'm out so this year I'm going to pride as biiiiii woooo

  14. for me pansexual has also been i like people regardless of their gender as in i like whoever i want and don't define who i like whether or not they are non binary, guys, girls, fluid, and so on

  15. As a 37-year-old, when I was finding language for my sexual identity, in the very early 90s, gay, straight, and bi were the only "real" (read: language I had ever heard) options. As language, acceptance, and visibility have changed, the word that I most identify with is queer. However, I mostly when communicating with others still use bisexual – for exactly the same reasons as Alayna, and it is so comforting to hear another person describe my exact experiences. As a cis woman who is married to a man, I find the misunderstanding and "kick back" (for lack of terminology) from both the straight and LGBT+ communities when I identify as bi and more so queer difficult to consistently address and cope with (because I am not "visably queer"). So, I don't know, I guess I'm just saying, it is nice to not feel alone in my experience. <3

  16. Thank you SO MUCH, Alayna, talking about straight passing in a relationship with the "opposite" gender… That's been my life for so many years, you make me feel understood. And that feels great. Thank you.

  17. Pretty sure Alayna is like, actually me??? Looks like I have to go watch all her videos now! You two crack me up, you are the best.

  18. I can’t believe I’m only watching this video now but OH MY GOD that bisexual thing with your own gender and others is SO GOOD. I have been struggling with identifying as bi or pan for a while now and that just makes so much sense THANK YOU

  19. “I was put on this planet to confuse people.” Honestly both a very big mood, but also story of my life.

  20. I don't think its transphobic to say you won't date a trans person cause it's like I'm not attracted to transgender people, I don't know how to word this honestly and don't wanna sound transphobic while I identify as trans, I'm sorry, y'all can skip over this if anyone reads the comment

  21. I find out I am into girls by watching your friend ,Chase.
    I am trans dude.
    Chase is really funny .Fun to watch your videos.

  22. as a bi person, I define bisexuality as attraction to 2 or more genders. I do this for a couple of reasons, chief among those being that, for example, if a girl were attracted to guys and nonbinary people and publically labeled herself as bi, some fucker would inevitably end up crawling out of the walls to say "um actually, bisexuality can ONLY be valid if you're attracted to you gender and other genders, so you're just straight sweaty :)," but I totally get why other people would choose the "same and other" definition

  23. Let's be honest. If dating one gender means you're not bi anymore than dressing how society perceives you to be cis means you're not trans anymore. Also yes there was an ad. Not trying to say that that's what you meant but I just want to clarify that for anyone who might misunderstand that that was a joke.

  24. Omg, that's the explination I've been looking for! I'm most comfortable with the term bisexual for sure, but that explination is exactly how I feel, thank you so much for that!

  25. I'm strait passing with a woman I love, but I totally relate to feeling invisible. I feel like a part of me has died or something lol… drama :p
    Thanks for sharing.

  26. I vvvv much felt what she said about appropriating the term 'queer' as a bi person in a heterosexual relationship!!

  27. Alanas definition of bi is exactly how I feel, but I've never known how to describe it. So hearing this felt so good <3

  28. I'm just now seeing this. I have always identified as bisexual, but I've been mostly in the closet due to biphobia and I've also mostly dated men for the same reason. Now that I'm bit older and the landscape has changed a bit, I'm definitely more comfortable with the word queer. I'm a bit genderqueer to begin with, so it works for me. I'm also Polyamorous, which some may consider queer, as well.

  29. (yes, I’m binging on your videos🤗)…this video meant a lot to me because I just came out to my husband who is a staunch Ally. I’m still struggling with “what name am I?” Being in cultural and mental health minorities my whole life made me feel miserable. When you said “…it’s horrible to feel invisible…” I totally agreed – I have felt terribly invisible my whole life. Idk, maybe there’s hope yet. #loveyourvideos 🤗❤️🤗

  30. The name struggle as a fellow-Alayna is real 😂😂 Also, I’m a year late, but I love this just as much regardless!

  31. I am bingeing all your videos and I’m IN LOVE with you. Thanks for making awesome content and being an amazing person ❤️❤️

  32. And this definition of bi is everything. I’ve been going back and forth because technically I’m pan. But I do not identify with that term. But I felt like bi wasn’t inclusive enough. So that’s the PERFECT definition. ❤️Xoxo gossip girl. (😂😂😂let me stop)

  33. I thought bisexuality meant you were attracted to two genders… Not two "groups of genders"?? Idk I don't see how men and all nonbinary people could be grouped. I'm not saying she's wrong, I'm just confused. It makes sense that she prefers the term and stuff but idk when I think of bisexuality it sounds like they only like two genders.

  34. When people ask me who I'm attracted to, I either tell them I'm pan and say I don't care what gender they are or I go ehhh…. and do a wiggly hand gesture.

  35. Lol I was sitting at the table with my mother in law and she was like "it's not the gays who are the trouble it's the bis, you just never know with them."
    So I went "really!? You do know your daughters bi don't you!?"
    And she went "no she was gays and now she's straight, oh does that make her bi? And anyway she's always been so honest, it's the ones who don't tell you straight away who are the trouble. It's all secrets with them."
    So I was like "Oh well sorry I didn't tell you straight away that I'm bi"
    😂
    It was so awkward

  36. This helped me a lot to just relax with it all…

    I didn't really wanna identify as bi, but I'm worried my friends and family will need an explanation to what queer means. I don't really care about labels but people will always want to label you because, uh, society –

    So I just go with whatever people wanna call me. Bi, pan, queer, even gay as an umbrella term! I'm good with it!

  37. I didn't realize that I needed this video. That definition of bi really fits me. ❤️ I also hate that people say.. " How are you bi? You're married to a man." **Sigh

  38. So if a boy is gay is it transphobic if they have a hard time being sexually attracted to someone with a vagine? Like I know it’s not all about the genitals but they do play a large part in sex.

  39. great convo. technically though if bisexual is most commonly seen as 'likes men or women' you still have to educate on telling people your version of bisexuality which would take the same effort as explaining what pan is. I use pan so i am not mistaken by people who already have an established idea of what bisexuality is. I support changing the meaning of it and will educate too

  40. Some gays are so straitphobic they can't accept the squigles. I can relate being ciscpicious. But don't overlook the tran in tne alphabet soup.

  41. The Queer word is hate speech. It is disrespectful and bigoted towards older GAY people. As a gay man growing up in the 80's the word queer was used in a derogatory way towards me and used to bully me to the point of wanting to commit suicide , I can never use that word and i wince whenever i hear it , why is it OK for millennial to reclaim it? Well do not reclaim it for me as I did not ask you too…

  42. Hi this is long but I needed to put it out there, I know someone will read & hopefully you guys could give some advice , thanks 💕
    I’m 18 .. 19 in 3 months and I’ve just started getting really confused and stressed and sad because I know I’m a cis girl who likes men and women but also trans and literally anyone but I’ve only been I a relationship with 2 guys and had one experience with a girl but years ago and it was just for truth or dare but this past year I’ve been fantasizing and wanting to be with a girl or someone new rather than a man but idk how to know if people are into me like that and if I should ask or make the first move. Idk if I’m bi how Alayna explained it or pansexual but it feels weird telling people I’m pan. I’m a mess :,(

  43. I love that you guys are so open to the allies in the community. I was strictly an ally for a very time and didn't feel welcome in the community. Now I'm queer and am very very sure I except allies into the community and life. They are just as important as others in the community. I love the support, thank you.

  44. Is it possible to identify as both queer and a lesbian? Cause growing up I had a lot of guy crushes, but when I came out as bi I never felt comfortable with that label. I always had a million red flags of being into girls looking back, and once I embraced that the switch just came on and it really had been only girls. I can really only see myself marrying and falling in love and having sex with women, but I definitely used to be attracted to men.

  45. while I don't think its ok…. love doesn't need to be inclusive…. so its not "~phobic" … that's … not a correct way to use it.

  46. There is A Trans(formers) dating Pool ? LOL this is Funny but insensible because i live in the world of Ed Edd and Eddy and should exist Pool for all. This invisible law against Hetros in Prides makes no sense because as hetro i can celebrate your freedom. But i never gone to one, here feels like a cabaret that you only talk with musicians on the back to smock a joint. So exclusive

  47. “I’m put on this planet to confuse people.” That’s amazing.

    I came out as confused recently because I am still kind of figuring it out ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  48. I actually have really had a hard time as an ally and now kind of coming out and kind of been mistreated, i love that you are willing to talk about how that crappy stuff is still happening at Pride or events.

  49. for me, genitals and gender still kind of matters even though I identify as pansexual, but is because I was abused in a really early age and I still fear mans a little bit, so it is really confusing you know, I am attracted to mans but I fear it, I'm still learning how to deal with it

  50. Qwetuuioldccvvvvjbvhc. MkppkMjn. Wh
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  51. I agree and disagree with alot of this in video ( it was super good though ) but with the trans thing I understand why it would offend trans men/women when someone doesn't want to be with them because of what they have down there. ( I am bisexual and I just don't care about that stuff ) but you have to take into consideration gay people, not all gay women may want to sleep with a women who has a penis and a gay man may not want to sleep with a man who has a vagina. For gay people ( not all but some) it is about what certain body part a person has . Now just because the person says they are tans that doesn't mean you should harm them in anyway( common sense though)

  52. This is the most helpful video I have ever seen. I have the same story as the girl in this video (sorry I randomly clicked on this video but now want to go and see you guys!) but I have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend who I love but also I believe I am something, I’m pretty sure queer, and I have been driving myself crazy with terms and what I am and worrying about everything! This video has seriously made me feel so much better and I can’t tell you how much more valid and happy I feel after this!!!! Thank you so much!!

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