Ellen Pompeo on the Fight for Equal Pay

I love that. You look fantastic. Thank you. Welcome. And this is your 14th– 14th! 14th time here on the show,
14th season on Gray’s Anatomy. Yes. And thank you for supporting
me all these years. Of course. Yeah. I mean, we’ve almost been doing
this the same amount of time, right? Yeah. Your show is 15 years. 15 years, 14 years. And I’m very, very excited for
everything that’s going on. First of all, let’s
just go back to when you got the offer for this. You wouldn’t even read
the script at first. Why didn’t you want to take it? Because medical shows– ER was on at the time. And every time I watched it,
it made me really anxious. I was hypochondriac,
think there’s something wrong with me. Has it helped or hurt
your hypochondriac self? Helped and hurt at
different times. At certain times, I
think I know what to do. And then other times, it’s– You go to a place of
I have this thing. I had a kidney stone on
Saturday and ended up in the ER. And I thought I was dying. I had no idea what it was. I thought I was dying for sure. So you really had
a kidney stone? I did. I did. But I didn’t know
that’s what it was. How have you been on 14
seasons and not know– [LAUGHTER] –not know the symptoms
of a kidney stone? That’s what I’m saying. Well, y’all need to do an
episode on a kidney stone. No, I’ll be great at it. For sure. All right. So let’s talk about what’s
going on in your life right now. So you did a story. Hollywood Reporter
talked about you being the highest paid actress
on a drama on television. Congratulations, first of all. Thank you. [APPLAUSE] I mean, most people don’t
talk about what they make, but especially when it
comes to women because there has been such inequality. And when you started
the show, you didn’t make as much
as your male co-star. And yet it’s called Gray’s
Anatomy and it’s you. But why did you
share this story? I think there are
certain moments where it’s important to be really
truthful about our pain and about our struggles. I recently read the article
about your 20-year anniversary of your show, and the whole
story about you coming out and how painful that was. And look at what
came out of that. I could cry just
recalling that article. It was a monumental moment for
the gay and lesbian community, for you in your life. And like a phoenix rising out
of the ashes, look at you now. [APPLAUSE] I think that sometimes you have
to go through painful things to just be an example. If you have a platform–
we have a platform. And the women who have
approached me from all walks of life since
this article came out, I’ve really been shocked
and really moved. But so shocked and so moved
about how many women just run up to me and want
to share their stories. Because I think as women,
sometimes we’re afraid to ask. We’re afraid to be vocal. We’re taught not to be. They like us quiet, as we’ve
seen from this administration. So I think it’s really important
to encourage each other, encourage other
women to stand up and be strong, and
know that we will be OK and we have each other’s backs. Yeah. And I think that it’s OK– [APPLAUSE] I think that it
makes it OK then, the more that this happens, for
other women to support women. Because some people come
from a place of lack. Like, oh, if somebody
has something, I’m not going to get it. And there’s abundance. Everyone can have
whatever they want. So just because you’re
making a whole lot of money doesn’t mean another woman is
not going to make that money. Look at us. This is two Ellens,
both with TV shows. We’re both doing great. There’s two seats at the table. And that speaks to
what you just said, is so poignant,
because it’s true. That speaks to civil
rights and equal rights. And there’s that notion– this is a much
broader conversation– but because you have
means I don’t get is a very deep
rooted thing where racism and sexism is based. And so it’s important
to talk about that and unearth that, and just
simply dispel it and say that is simply not true. [APPLAUSE] So there’s talk that these
two co-stars of yours are not coming back, right? Yeah. Jessica and Sarah? Yeah, Jessica Capshaw
and Sarah Drew. Now there’s rumors
that it’s because– they’re using the excuse that
they’re paying you so much that there’s not enough money
to pay them to come back. That is absolutely not true. It’s absolutely not true. I mean, I’m not involved
in these kind of decisions. However, there’s a few
problems that you encounter doing a show for 14 seasons. And one of them is the writers
have a really hard time creatively, thinking
up new stories for all these characters. And I mean, I think we have
16 regular cast members. And it’s always sad when we lose
people, for whatever reason. Whether they want to go
or they don’t want to go, it doesn’t make it any easier. Yeah. I just want to
make sure because I don’t want that to be a
perception out there, that it’s somehow attached
to your paycheck, that because they’re leaving for
different reasons or whatever. I appreciate you doing that. Thank you. I think that it’s
important for us to not pit women
against each other and to really dispel the notion
that women are always victims. You don’t have to pit
us against each other. We’re not enemies. We do lift each other up
and support each other. And we’re not victims. We’re very strong. And we’re capable of
many, many things. Hi, I’m Andy. Ellen asked me to remind you to
subscribe to her channel so you can see more awesome videos,
like videos of me getting scared or saying embarrassing
things like ball-peen hammer– and also some videos of
Ellen and other celebrities, if you’re into
that sort of thing. [SHOUTS] [BLEEP] God [BLEEP].

PS. Explain This: The Gender Employment Gap

From British Prime Minister Theresa May to Liberian President Ellen Sirleaf Johnson and Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, we’ve been hearing a lot lately about powerful women. But, for most of the world’s women, the barriers to advancement remain high, and it’s costing us big. Women comprise half of the world’s working-age population, but contribute just 37% of global GDP. This represents a major missed opportunity. A 2015 McKinsey study estimates that closing the gender gap would add 26% to world GDP by 2025. That’s the size of the US and Chinese economies combined. So how do we get there? The gender gap’s causes are far-reaching, with labor-market realities both reflecting and reinforcing deep-seated social norms. But there are steps policymakers can take to facilitate progress. For one thing, they can address legal discrimination against women, like restrictions on signing contracts and unequal property or inheritance rights. Take Bangladesh. When microfinance came on the scene there, many women, who had been excluded from traditional financial services, seized the opportunity to start their own businesses. But the loans didn’t magically turn their recipients into fully autonomous market participants. Instead, the money often ended up controlled by the women’s male relatives. Beyond its direct impact on women’s ability to work, such discrimination can undermine girls’ schooling. A 2012 study showed an increase in Indian girls’ educational attainment after the country’s women were granted land-inheritance rights. The role of education in female labor-force participation is well known. And, from building more schools to cash or in-kind transfers, there are many ways to boost educational attainment among girls. But it’s not a one-way street. Just as increases in education have spurred more women to enter the labor force, improved labor-market opportunities have spurred increases in education. Understanding this dynamic is critical to effective policymaking. A cash-transfer program in Malawi, for example, left girls more educated, but didn’t make them more likely to work, because the jobs still weren’t there. Tapping the economic potential of women won’t be easy, and it’ll take a lot more than a few policy adjustments. But experience shows the impact that smart reforms can have. Given the importance of gender equality not just for girls and women, but for overall economic development, we all have a stake in progress.

LSU: Courtney Reeder, “I Am Globally Engaged”

My name is Courtney Reeder and I’m a
senior studying French and political communications. I am globally engaged. I believe that I’m globally engaged because I studied at
the University of Paris X Nanterre and I connect with people from across the
world with varying beliefs. I’ve traveled to London, Giverny, Monaco, Nice, Barcelona, and Amsterdam. This made me realize that I was a piece in a very large puzzle that so many people from across the world share the same interests as I did. And without
studying abroad I would have never known those things. Some people believe that studying abroad is just a collection of pictures and cool places, but I actually took six classes at the University of Paris ten. I studied everything from debating in French to writing, to African-American history and it was really interesting to see the points of views that the French professors chose
to take on all of those different issues. In my debate class I debated with
Italians on environmentally friendly policies that the United States may or
may not have. I was able to develop my writing while in my academic writing class. I also studied at the University of Paris three Sorbonne Nouvelle, where I was able to study the history of women’s rights in Paris. I was able to step into the shoes of Olympia de Gouges, who was a revolutionist, a feminist in Paris, France, and I was able to see all the strides that she’s made in the country
and for the world. I developed my sense of global engagement from traveling and
deepening my love for different cultures and foods and customs, while also homing in on my French speaking skills. Je suis Courtney Reeder et je suis globalement engagé. I’m Courtney Reeder and I’m globally engaged.

Sexual Misconduct at Work, Again | Retro Report on PBS

-Today’s Me Too Movement
has not only put a spotlight on hostile work environments
for women but it’s also raised questions
about why it took so long for their stories
to become public. -It turns out there are answers
to be found in an earlier wave
of sexual harassment in the workplace on Wall Street
in the 1980s and ’90s. Women had entered
the traditionally male-dominated world of finance
in large numbers. The ensuing harassment scandals
had repercussions that are still affecting
the workplace today. It became easier for companies
to cover up the problem and harder for victims
to get their cases heard. ♪♪ -I wanted to go to Wall Street because I was basically
lower-middle class at the time, and I wanted a taste
of the good life. -Marlene Jupiter started
working on Wall Street in the early 1980s. -You knew that you were going
into a man’s world, but I loved Wall Street. It had that excitement
of being part of the future. -In just over a decade, she became one of the top
performers at her firm, earning close to
$1 million a year. -I became a senior VP, and then I landed
very huge hedge-fund accounts, and that was when, really,
the lions came on. -According to Jupiter,
some of the male brokers began making
anti-Semitic comments and spreading false
sexual rumors about her that got worse
the more that she earned. -They would call me the chick
with the [bleep] They would deliver cakes
with dildos on it, and that was, like, you know,
supposed to be funny. And then,
when I was on vacation, I get phone calls that they’re
trying to sabotage my customers. Basically, they’re telling you that you’re not
really welcome at the party. You’re a woman. You’re not one of us. -Wall Street was a hotbed
of sex harassment, of gender discrimination. The environment was as bawdy
and as sexualized as any in this country. -The name of the game
was to make the women feel like
they didn’t belong there, and that played out
in a lot of ways. Women would come back
from maternity leave and lose their jobs. Women would try to get
a promotion from sales assistant to broker, and they weren’t allowed
to do it, but the guys could. And then, at the other extreme, you had sexual assault
and sexual harassment. It was almost like a weapon
to show them, you know, you shouldn’t be here,
and if you’re gonna be here, we’re gonna make you
really, really uncomfortable. -Being bullied
destroys your confidence. It destroys everything
about you, and I would go
to human resources, and it would go away
for a few months, and then it would come back. At one point,
I was getting physically sick. That’s when I decided to leave. I couldn’t function anymore. -She quit, and she wasn’t
planning on doing anything. She wasn’t gonna sue them, but then she had
a great job lined up. The employer called her old
trading desk to ask about her, and they trashed her,
and she didn’t get the job, and that’s when she said,
“I’ve had enough.” -But for brokers like Jupiter, taking an employer to court
wasn’t an option because of a small clause
in their licensing paperwork. -In the ’90s, everyone in
the securities industry was required to register
with the SEC. In theory, it was to make sure
that they were hiring people without crimes
in their background, but one of the boxes
you had to check said that you agree to arbitrate any claim you had
against your employer, so you had no choice. You could not work
in the industry without waiving your right to
bring a claim in a public court. -Arbitration was designed
to avoid the courthouse by swiftly resolving conflicts
before a private panel. -The securities industry had set up
its own arbitration system, which was run by them,
and the purpose of the system was to protect it
from liability. It was all industry insiders, many of whom were not
even lawyers. -The vast majority of
the industry’s arbitrators were white, male, and over 60, reinforcing what many felt were deeply rooted
institutional biases. -I thought I was gonna win. I had witnesses that came
through the arbitration, but I lost. If I had gone to court,
I am sure I would’ve won. -Jupiter wasn’t alone. At the time,
the majority of women who brought harassment cases
to arbitration on Wall Street lost, and it happened
behind closed doors. -When you go to arbitration, there are no
public documents filed. There are no reporters
or members of the public allowed in the room to watch, and it allows their rainmakers
to be repeat offenders because nobody ever finds out. -Susan Antilla was one of
the first journalists to report on the pervasive
sexual harassment and discrimination
on Wall Street. -It’s all about silence. It’s all about
keeping these cases quiet. -But in 1996,
that silence was broken. -Tonight, the lawsuit
that everyone on Wall Street is watching — outrageous claims
about men behaving badly at Smith Barney. -Women were referred to
as bitches and whores. -A group of Wall Street women joined together
in a class-action lawsuit, allowing them
to circumvent arbitration and bring their cases
into court. -The potential class-action
suit is extremely important because it aims at much more
than collecting damages. The 23 women are trying to bring
down the arbitration system, the pillar of employee relations
on Wall Street. -It was brilliant. They got the cases filed
in court, and all of a sudden, they started hearing from other
women all around the country. The coverage of that case
changed everything because the brokerage firms
couldn’t hide anymore. It got broadcast coverage.
It got print coverage. Everybody was watching,
and that’s the difference. You never saw that
about an arbitration case. -They would never treat men
the way they have treated us. -He said that he wanted
to pull my stockings down and sit me on his lap. -I was up, like,
against this wall. I was trying to get free
from him, and I just… He was my friend. -Lisa Mays was among
the first women to join the class-action suit
against Smith Barney. The assault at her workplace
still haunts her today. -He lifted up my skirt
and started to put his hands, like, underneath my tights
to pull down my tights, and then, luckily,
something happened, and the front door clicked, and he walked away from me
like nothing happened, like nothing had just occurred. -Mays reported the incident
to human resources, but she says her complaint
was ignored, and her attacker
stayed on the job. Then when I found out
about the lawsuit and that the company was
calling it an isolated incident, I was like, “It’s not.
I have to get involved. I have to call these lawyers,” and they couldn’t believe
what had happened to me. -Nearly 2,000 women joined
the lawsuit, and other suits soon followed. -The cloud hangs over
America’s financial community. Almost every major firm faces or has faced
a sexual-discrimination charge. -It really was
a Me Too Movement. “Oh, yeah.
That happened to me, as well.” And it was contagious. -In the wake of the publicity,
firms implemented programs to address sexual-harassment
and discrimination concerns. -Under the agreement,
Smith Barney will establish
a $15 million fund to train and recruit more women
and minorities. -There was a moment in time
after those Wall Street cases were brought when
there was such optimism, and people really thought
that change was gonna happen
across the board — with pay, with promotion,
with everything. -The Securities and Exchange
Commission even eliminated the requirement to arbitrate
over discrimination claims, but many firms
inserted the requirement into employee handbooks
and contracts, creating a road map
that other industries followed. -Wall Street was the model that
management lawyers pointed to to convince their clients
that it was time to start compelling arbitration
of discrimination claims. They literally would
produce papers that said, “Look at what
the securities industry has been able to do with
their sex-harassment claims,” and they would list sex-harassment claim —
claim dismissed; sex-harassment claim —
claim dismissed; discrimination claim —
claim dismissed. And that was a marketing device
and very effective because it’s all true. -Back when the women
on Wall Street were suing, in the mid-1990s, 7% of US companies then
had mandatory arbitration, and today it’s more than half. -That trend has become
a flash point in the latest fight against
harassment and discrimination. -The Me Too Movement
is taking down big names for sexual assault
and sexual harassment. -Hundreds of people on Sunday
brought their fight against sexual violence
to the heart of Hollywood. -Rise up for the women
of the world… -From secret settlements
to confidentiality clauses, there’s been a public reckoning on how victims’ stories have
been kept quiet for so long. -Former “Fox News” anchor
Gretchen Carlson is suing her former boss,
Roger Ailes, claiming she was let go for
refusing his sexual advances. -I did not even realize
how pervasive this epidemic
of sexual harassment and forced arbitration
was in our society until after I brought
my case forward, and then hundreds
and then thousands of women started reaching out to me, and their stories
had never been told, a lot of them
because of arbitration. -Carlson herself was bound
by arbitration, but her lawyers filed
a court suit, anyway. In the end, she settled her case and signed
a non-disclosure agreement. Today, she’s been helping to
gather support for legislation that would prohibit
mandatory arbitration in cases involving
sexual harassment. -Arbitration completely
perpetuates harassment in the workplace. There are no appeals. You don’t get the same amount
of witnesses. It’s secret. You normally get a much paltry
settlement than you would if you were
in an open court system. If the majority of these cases
are not going into an open-jury process, then how do we make progress
as a nation on building upon
case after case after case? That’s how
our legal system works. -The courts are overwhelmed
with litigation. There are many courts
in the country that just can’t make a dent
in getting through their docket. -Attorney Alan Kaplinsky
is a leading advocate for the use of arbitration in consumer
and employment disputes. He says the process has
an important role to play. -Arbitration — it’s a lot less
costly than going to court. It’s a lot faster. It’s extremely efficient, and it’s a process
that is time-tested. There are always gonna be
anecdotes, one-off stories that people
are gonna be able to tell, but I haven’t seen actual data showing any connection
between arbitration and the increase of wrongdoing
by employers. There’s just no connection. -Today, a new generation
of workers is demanding an end
to mandatory arbitration. -Tonight, a massive walkout across the country
and around the world — Google employees revolting
over the treatment of women, including the handling
of workplace sexual harassment. -The employees have a list
of demands, including an end
to forced arbitration and a commitment to end pay
and opportunity disparity. -We demand structural change… -The Google walkout wasn’t
just about sexual harassment. It was about this large,
structural imbalance of power that has caused inequity
in a number of areas. We wanted anyone who was
discriminated against for race, or wrongfully terminated,
to also be protected. -And some of these demands
are starting to be met. -Google has released
a new policy ending forced arbitration in cases of sexual harassment
and assault. It’s in response
to recent protests. -Other tech companies
are taking notice, like Facebook, which said
they would do the same, and on Monday, Airbnb said
it was ending forced arbitration not just for sexual harassment but all cases
involving discrimination. -All of this is about
fighting for equity. It’s about true equality to know that whether it’s about
being free from harassment, being free from stereotypes,
from inadequate pay, all of that has to change
in order to be able to say, “Yes, you and I are truly equal
in the eyes of the law.” -Change is happening,
albeit slowly. -If you look
at Wall Street today, you do see less harassment. You certainly see less
blatant stuff happening, but you still
see pay disparities. You still see women
being pushed out. -Two decades after the sexual-
harassment cases of the ’90s, only an estimated 17%
of brokers are women. -My big concern about Me Too
is that we’ll see a backslide when you don’t see coverage
of this as much anymore, so there’s a real lesson to be
learned from those early cases. ♪♪

The Most Sexist Things Women Have Experienced at Work #BeBoldForChange

I have actually experienced sexism at work,
when I used to work at a bar when I went to serve a big table of men
a guy put his arm around my waist and tried to get me to
sit on his lap and everyone else at the table
didn’t do anything or say anything. As a girl you get called
darling or babe, constantly, which obviously
doesn’t happen to guys. but working in a coffee shop
literally it’s just all the time people giving people their
phone numbers, having random customers
add you on Facebook. One of the things that’s pretty common
is comparing other women in the office to the men’s
girlfriends. That’s pretty consistent. The boss once asked me
to get sandwiches for a meeting where I was chairing it
and I was like okay, but also… no. I used to work as a receptionist
in a gym and a lot of the guys
who worked there would often be
sort of ogling the girls in their gym gear. And I confronted them about it
and said why are you staring at the girls? And they would say
they dress like that because they want men to look at them. I mean one of the things
I do notice I deliberately go around
looking scruffy now, because I remember the time
where I made the decision I’m past 40,
I look silly with my long flowing hair, I just look a mess,
give up the make up- and a certain set of people
stopped talking to me at that point,
and networking meetings suddenly got a little bit less easy
and that made me quite annoyed. I’m thinking about a time
when I used to work at a shop, a while a go now,
but even in the depths of winter they insisted that we wore
tiny, tiny shorts and had our midriffs out as well,
it was horrible. I can remember, sort of early 80’s
still, going for interviews and one of the questions,
because I was married, was actually are you intending
to start a family soon? And then if you said yes,
obviously you wouldn’t have been given the job. Just general things like,
if I’m moving a big pile of books then a colleague might come over
and be like do you want help with that? I know they’re trying to be nice,
but sometimes I’m like it’s just 4 books I’m fine. I had to give many people lifts
for work and to have men, who I’m giving lifts to,
as barristers or professionals, and they’d say I have never
seen a woman back into a space like you did that. I have had ‘oh you should be a P.A,
you suit being a P.A’, I just ask why?
Why is it that you think that, is it because I’m a woman etc?
So, he didn’t have much to say I think it made him feel stupid,
so, that teaches him not to say it again. I think with any sort of sexism,
whether it’s a personal experience, or in the work as well, try and educate,
so we get these responses and it’s our job to educate and
keep pushing.

“Being Involved with Women Employed Gives Me Hope”

I was relatively new to Chicago, so I did
a search just for organizations to get involved with and right away Women
Employed stuck out. They were an organization that had a long history and
they had a lot of wins. So I came to my first meeting and was hooked. I was
surrounded by a roomful of women who were as engaged and motivated as I was,
and they’re inspiring. They’re inspiring to be around. Being involved with Women
Employed gives me hope. Our victories and just the day-to-day fight makes me
believe that change is possible and change is going to happen. I haven’t in
my search found another organization that is as committed, and I really love
how on the ground, how nimble, and how driven they are.

USA: Unpaid maternity leave – the harsh reality for many working women

I’m 33 years old I have two children my son Max is four-and-a-half and my daughter olive was born on January 6 I’ve been a high school teacher of Spanish in English for the past nine years and my partner works at a nonprofit organization here in New York City for my family we had to figure out how we were going to provide for both children and I knew I wanted to stay home with the baby but because I had taken my sick days with my son when he was born I was not eligible for any paid maternity leave so we had to figure out basically how we were gonna live on one income I do have maternity benefits through the board of education the problem is that then they’re unpaid but many women don’t even have that and have to make the choice to leave their careers if they want to take time off and be with their children and that’s an unfair position to put women in when I went back to work with my son I felt supported by the people immediately at my school who provided me with space to pump breast milk and helped if I had you know conflicts with with childcare but in general I didn’t feel any support from sort of social systems and we had to find our own private daycare and pay for all of it it was very expensive I don’t think in the long run that it served me or my family or my school or my students that I was forced to return to the workforce after 12 weeks of leave just because otherwise I was going to lose my health insurance I don’t think it serves anybody to send women who are stressed out and really short on sleep and up every three hours at night nursing back to work before they’re ready that has to affect productivity I know in my case that affected I was late because of childcare issues of late to work because I had to drop my son off at daycare more times than I would have liked and I had to take more days off than I would have liked because when he first started daycare he got sick I know a number of women who have decided to leave the workforce because they weren’t happy with the maternity benefits they were given they felt they needed more time than 12 weeks and so they decided to to resign and and not have their jobs anymore which is a loss women should be have six months of paid maternity leave with the option of extending that to a year breastfeeding is a job and a breast pump is not always a great replacement for a baby so we’re not providing women with the support they need to feed their children when we’re not providing them with paid maternity leave I think unfortunately it’s going to be up to the government to provide the support because I don’t see businesses offering these benefits very regularly to their employees I think it’s something we’re gonna have to demand of the government as citizens there are so many women in the workforce and I think if we could all stand together and demand a better system that we would have to be listened to because we provide so much of the labor and in this country not only and in the workforce but also in the home and you know the economy can’t run without us in the country can’t run without us

Casual Sex is Not Consenting to Rape… #SmartBrownGirl​​​ | Jouelzy​​​

Hey guys! Jouelzy here, live from Accra, Ghana. Hence why you might hear some of the background noice and the church service that’s happening on a
Saturday afternoon at 4 p.m. so yes, I am still in Ghana. I am here until January 6th. For those who have inquired about me selling some African print wears, I have obliged. And I have a quick sale happening at accrawears.bigcartel.com go ‘head and get you a piece. Now, I have not done a proper #SmartBrownGirl video in a clean minute. and I felt that it was my duty to come back to the #SmartBrownGirls and engage you guys in a very pivotal discussion that needs to happen. So this past week on my Facebook feed there’s been an article that’s circulating around with kind of mixed opinions and very interesting discussion that’s been happening. and I thought this is the perfect topic to talk about with my #SmartBrownGirls ArtParasite posted an article submitted anonymously by a young lady entitled… THE UGLY SIDE OF BEING A SINGLE, ATTRACTIVE AND AVAILABLE HETEROSEXUAL WOMAN, Detailing her sexual mistreatment where she has gone into relationships and
situation as a consenting in a sometimes casual sexual relationship and had her boundaries or body… or just… a whole lot to me that just sounded like sexual assault and sometimes rape, but to her… felt like were men being too aggressive and just
being dicks I gu…ugh…let’s talk about this The ugly side to being attractive, single and available is not rape. This is very important to address because we live in a world where Steve Harvey has built the bulk of his career and is now slanging bacon off of putting the onus of a relationship entirely on to a woman’s shoulders. Where the bad behavior of men is acknowledged as a problem that women
have to solve. And we need to firmly address what rape is. And even if you are consenting to casual sex because you’re an adult who has rights to your own body and exploring being a sexual being… That you are still allowed to have boundaries. Firm boundaries that protect your body. Casual sex is not code for… “Easy” “whore” rape or let me do what I want to do with her even when she tells me no. Rape culture is so ingrained into the patriarchy of our society, that casual sex, for women, is often pushed into the dark and unsavory space, that allows women to be victim-blamed. If you have not read the article, please stop and read it here. I’ve linked it in the “i” that should drop down right above and the description box below. There’s a few incidents, in the article, that I can relate to. Like a guy refusing to put a condom on and pushing himself inside of you. Men attempting to forcefully push your head down, or shoving their whole entire dick in your face because you’re obliged to give them head. I come from the firm school of saying “No”. Hell to the no. Fuck your feelings, no. And I’ve still been caught in struggles where men don’t understand the word “No”. What was so apparent in this article was that this young lady had no boundaries to begin with, further pushing her out in the cold. When a “lover” who shows up at your door with TWO other men, because you “get to have 3 guys at once.” You spend hours with them haggling you while you say no? How many different ways? Let’s be clear, this is not victim-blaming. But we need to have this discussion, to empower young women… older women… all women that it’s okay to have boundaries that keep you safe even when they make others uncomfortable. At no point should your obligation to keeping the peace come at the cost of violence against your own body. We have all been there, where we have been uncomfortable and said nothing, because we didn’t want to
change the mood… we don’t want to ruin the night we really like this person and for some reason we thought being uncomfortable would make us keep on liking them… even though in reality, in non-likeness, when we have our common sense… and remember that if a person likes us then they should respect us. But somehow we’re in these moments where we’re just willing to be disrespected. in order to keep up someone
else’s comfort. We’ve done it. When it comes to sexual assault and rape, we are so trained that our first reaction is to immediately think what did I do to get myself here? How did I cause this to happen? We immediately blame ourselves for the violence that happens to us perpetuated by others, that we do everything but set boundaries to keep from seeing it as sexual assault or rape. The author closes out with… “I’ve never been raped, and there’s a few nights I don’t remember, but I’ve been coerced time after time and time again.” Dear Lord, Love. A few examples she gave actually were rape. And don’t disvalue how hard it is to get a man off top of you when he is inside of you. No matter how skinny or small he seems in real life. At the point when you’re attempting to get him off of you and he’s exerting power
to remain on top and inside of you you have crossed over the area of assault and rape. At this point there is no
happy moment to save because my no means no. so f*ck him and his feelings and be as aggressive as you need to be to get him up and off of you. Be as loud and scream and say the word rape if you need to. Whether is a casual sex, a lover, a long time friend… a husband or a boyfriend You as a woman and a man are allowed to consent to sex and then stop during it. How innocently asking for a break, to pee, to get up, to take a break to let someone know that you’re in pain, you’re uncomfortable… you’re body doesn’t feel good in this moment. To just stop because it’s overwhelming, it hurts, it’s your damn body and you want to stop… Can so quickly turn into a moment, where your body is not yours because society is teaching men that women’s bodies deserve no respect. This is not about not participating in casual sex. Because you can save yourself, be as a pure as white doves and white cotton bed sheets, and still find yourself in this position, because you weren’t taught that you have full rights over your body. Define what boundaries you need how you want your body to be approached and and always understand that when your “no” is not heard you have crossed over to sexual assault and rape. Check out my
book “Send It On” a collection of essays that
highlight some of what I discussed in this video. And you can also watch my video and read my blog post about the “Aftermath of Being a Victim of Rape”. you can click on either
the “i”s that drop down here which have both links and as always it will linked in the Description box down below. Thanks for watching! I encourage you to join the #SmartBrownGirl discussion and I will have a blog post posted in…the “i”! [info bar in right corner] and description box down below. to keep it going and encouraging #SmartBrownGirls to own the rights to their body Nobody can tell you what
to do with your being. No matter what situation you are in…. how much or little clothing you
have on… someone always needs to respect your rights and your words. Deuces #SmartBrownGirls!